Dominants: A Woman or Man Who assumes sexual (and possibly more far-reaching) control over a submissive partner..


Dom, Daddy, Master, Sir. These are all respectful and normal Titles refering to Male Dominants

Rules for Beginning Doms

by Nostromo

Most dominant men complain about how difficult it is to find a submissive female. Almost every single submissive woman I have met in real life or online has complained about the shortage of good male doms and say most of the "doms" they meet are clueless jerks. Even some highly experienced and respected doms that I have known for a dozen years or more can't seem to sustain relationships. It seems that many aspirant doms don't get a few basic concepts that are necessary for establishing and maintaining a dom/sub relationship, whether in real life or online. Consequently, as a public service, I offer some Rules for Beginning Doms.

Rule Number 1. Don't be a jerk. I'll explain, since so many guys don't seem to get this one. Many guys new to the scene (and quite a few who are not so new) work a little too hard at coming across as confident, assertive, masterful, whatever you want to call it. Too often, the result is that they end up sounding insecure, pretentious, presumptuous, arrogant or all of the above. When in doubt, tone it down. As one sub put it, "It was our first date, and I though he was really cute. I was thinking about kneeling to him. Then he said ĎOn your knees, bitch'. I got up and left." You're better off being who you really are, even if you are inexperienced and full of uncertainty.

Rule Number 2. See Rule Number 1.

Rule Number 3. Be patient. Bdsm is a journey. Many subs can't give themselves until they fully trust their dom. This takes time. Remember, being a sub can be scary, even for the most enthusiastic sub. If you push your heaviest, kinkiest fantasy too soon, you may be rebuffed and, what is worse, lose her trust. Don't propose that someone you've just met become your 24/7 slave. Although courtship can be a pain, the dom/sub mating dance is not that different from the vanilla one. Try not to embarrass yourself by pushing the relationship too fast.

Rule Number 4. Pay attention. As a dom, it is your responsibility to be attentive to what is going on in your sub's head. Not every scene works. If you don't catch on to the fact that it isn't working, you'll end up damaging or losing your sub.

Rule Number 5. Don't objectify your sub on the first date. Although we all remember the famous Pat Califia (or was it Suzy Bright) line, "I'm not just a person, I'm a piece of meat!", the reality is that you need to approach a sub as a person and think about her feelings. There is a time and place for objectification in bdsm relationships, but it should be approached very carefully, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

Rule Number 6. Be responsible. This rule has a couple of aspects. The physical aspect should be fairly obvious. If you haven't listened in on a safety demo online or in real life, try to do that. Otherwise, buy a book like "On the Safe Edge", which discusses bdsm safety issues. Most general bdsm books, like Molly Devon's "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns", contain discussions of safety. In addition to drastic things, like killing someone by having your rope bondage wrap around her neck, you can cause permanent harm in smaller ways, like damaging someone's ulnar nerve with too-tight wrist bondage (which can cause permanent numbness of the fingers). Incompetence is no excuse when it comes to physical safety. Almost as important, though, is the emotional safety of the sub. Although some subs enjoy the feeling of being abused, don't assume that this is true of your sub. It is your responsibility to make sure your sub isn't harmed emotionally by subbing to you. Use common sense. If someone is crying, take the time to figure out whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. If you're topping someone you don't know well, stop periodically to make sure she's all right.

Rule Number 7. Develop your character. To sustain a relationship with a sub, she needs to respect and admire you. That cannot happen if you do not respect yourself or otherwise do not have your act together. Being a dom is not an excuse for self-centeredness.

Rule Number 8. Be humble. Submission to you is one of the most personal gifts that anyone can give. If you are the sort of person who can accept that gift gracefully and with recognition of its specialness, it is more likely to be offerred.

Rule Number 9. Don't let rules 1 through 8 scare you. You are, after all, a dom. You have a right to your feelings. If you exhibit the qualities of patience, character, sensitivity, attentiveness and responsibility outlined about, any sub would be lucky to kneel to you. Don't be afraid to take risks (within the limits of physical and emotional safety). Be a leader for your sub. And, most of all, have fun!



Domme, Mistress, Ms, Miss, Ma'am, Goddess, Dominatrix. These are all proper, respectful Titles refering to Female Dominants.

What Is A Mistress?
Author: Mistress Michelle Peters © 2003

What is a Mistress???? What makes a Mistress? I'm finding out every slave has a different idea what a slave is! Some may disagree but I think most things are structured towards the male. Let's face it men run the government; run most businesses, itís basically a man's world. Not to say things arenít changing. In practically every phase of society, it is the male's perspective and will that remains dominant. Even during the turbulent past two decades during which time women have joined forces to establish their own liberation, it has been the male who has maintained a firm grip on just how far the feminist revolution will go.

There are, however, small pockets of true persistence that are not only alive and well but growing at an astounding rate. These guerrilla armies slinging their arrows at the sexist battleground employ as their troops an emerging majority known simply as the dominant female!

The dominant female as opposed to her younger sister, the feminist, is not a political animal, nor is she determined to right the wrongs of the male world in which she lives. She is not crusader, nor is she a firebrand. Instead, she is an individualist who has reached a deep understanding of the very natural powers, which the female holds over the male.

The dominant female comes to us from all walks of life. She may emerge from the ranks of the housewife, or from the dungeons of the professional dominatrix. She may be a college student, or a divorcee who finally gained an, understanding of the power that she holds over the male. Their backgrounds are varied and many, their ranks are growing.

The recent explosion in the number of dominant females has many causes. Over the past few years, millions of books have been sold in which the authors attempt to explain this phenomenon. The most common theory revolves around the role of men and its modulations within the male/female relationship. The premise simply states that males in modern society have grown tired of the pressures placed upon them to be macho, and have begun seeking ways in which to diminish the roles that are called upon them to play. In so doing, they have created a void, which out of natural necessity must be filled. And it is not natural that the woman steps into bridge the gap. So, it is not the so much the desire of women to dominate that has created this phenomenon, but the lack of motivation on the part of the male to sustain the traditional power base that has resulted in this new kind of woman.

The dominant female of modern society is apparently here to stay. Expression of her new power is evidenced in all phases of our lives from High Fashion industry extolling the dominatrix to the average housewife, who is beginning to demand personal satisfaction in and out of the bedroom. The woman of today has come a long way in her relationship with men, and being led by that select cadre of sisters known as dominant women. They are determined and a most powerful group. They are the "Mistresses of the World!"

Ms Juliette is a well established Moderator. Being a Former room Owner She understands the complexities involved with keeping the room running smoothly.
Though some feel She may be unjust in Her enforement of the rules. She doesnt take any crap and rules with and iron boot. Ms Juliette brings with Her a wide range of knowledge and is perhaps the most intelectual Person You may ever meet.